First Parent Conference

Wow.

Not even a month passes where I am running the show and I already have my first parent conference. A-mazing.

The little red-headed girl. AY! She talks, talks, and talks. And in between talking she's offering gum, putting on make up, staring into the depths of the ceiling wall dots.

The talking and disruption was sufficient for me to send her out of the room and call her father in front of the entire class to arrange a meeting. A challenge, if you will, to the remainder of the uncontrollable talkers of the class room. Try me. Please.

So the father comes in and I explain my situation and her need to earn herself the title of Mayor of Excuses City. But he was 100% supportive of me. Gave me the joy of experiencing true, from-the-heart parenting. He's a widower raising two daughters. So my respect is there completely.

We made a deal. He says to his daughter: If you know that there are say, 20 students who are talking, let's make it only 19. She agrees.

I think it sunk through to her.

She was a complete angel today.

Thank you, Lord.

We'll see how next week goes....

I cried today.

Today was weird. I had to present a lesson on Shakespearian sonnets and, while I am not a literature major, I always get a little flustered at the thought of teaching someone material on what I don't feel I have mastery of. I like to write. That's my thing. I know grammar rules are weird and are consistently broken and whatnot but I like to write and I want to teach students how to do that. But it's English for Pete's sake, I have to teach them about the final products of investing in WRITING!

So Shakespeare it was.

I studied, I paraphrased ("Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day?" and felt SUPEr confident of what I was going to teach.

Lo and behold, it worked. I TAUGHT THEM SHAKESPEARE!!! They got to the third quatrain and were like "You mean, she's going to live forever in his POETRY!? That's SO COOL!!"

I was feeling confident and had them working in pairs on these questions they had to respond to. Then I realized I had to teach another poem. FUCK~ It's about the rhythm of poetry and learning to identify how the sound plays a big part of the "message" of the poem.

Well, I completely forgot to go over the literary terms for that piece of poetry. OMG! I get to the end of the poem and I realize I FORGOT a HUGE step. I stare at the book and realize that it's going to be a total disaster to try to teach them something in literally like 5 minutes. Fuck.

I pause, I stutter step and close my book and say "you know what? We'll just go over this Thursday. Let me explain your homework.

Mother fucker.

Then the kids just started talking and getting ready to leave and, damn. They are talking LOUDLY.

So I, ahem, speak-at the top of my lungs-"DO! NOT! ASK! ME! TO! CLARIFY! YOUR HOMEWORKBECAUSEIAMTRYINGTODOTHATAND YOU! ARE! TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE YOUR BACKPACKS ON?????!!!!!!"

UGH.

I just had to sit down at my desk and let them "marinate in their silence" as I described it earlier.

So for two minutes, they sat. in their own silence.

And when they left, I cried.

I was so pissed off at them, at myself, at just the whole transition.

They say that it gets better.

I hope so. I don't feel like paying back $50k in lost hope. Not at all.

Already makin' kids cry!

So the past week or so has been really hectic. I have been struggling to multi-task several things. First is the interacting with the students. Since I have worked in a different capacity with high schoolers, it has been with a different "voice". I have been trying to combine that "teacher voice" with the organization and time management that is necessary for a successful teaching experience.

Having said that, on Friday I had my first "Substituting" day. I officially substituted in the classroom all by myself !

One thing that was not good was the obvious "teacher's not here so let's not act right"-ness. So I had to check them. One particular period had two girls all Disobeying the LAW (aka ME). UGH so I had to get all West-of-the-805 on those little girls. I was NOT having it.

One thing that I am very fortunate about (well, one of many, many things) is that the classes that I teach are part of a magnet program at our school that is tied into the CV POlice Department. Holla at some support!

So I mentioned to the coordinator of the program that these two little girls were acting up so he walks next door where they were practicing mock trials and starts CHECKING the crap out of this little girl. He goes on with her being disrespectful to me. So the girl starts crying.

I felt a little bad and when I left I thought about the big picture. These kids do need to have those boundaries and the understanding that I am not to be fucked with. Not in a mean sense, but in that sense of respect.

So today one of the girls who I had an issue with came up to me and apologized for being disrespectful. I told her thank you for the apology and we could start fresh today. So we did.


I feel much better and the confidence knob goes up a notch. One day: full blast!

But today, sleep! This is the most exhausting job I have ever had!

Week 1

So I survived Week One of Student Teaching.

There are a lot of peculiar details to my situation which makes me sit uneasy with where I am, up until today, at least. See, one of my Master Teacher's is pregnant and due in early March. I was kind of getting some run around at the district office because apparently student teaching and substituting cannot mix without the prior approval of the Director of HR (also known as another loop hole). My concerns were twofold. See, first, I would be well into student teaching by the time she went on leave. If they did not determine that it was okay for me to take over and decided that I'd have to go somewhere else, I'd be pretty screwed with school. Second: if the opportunity to get paid to student teach part time is available, then why not take that opportunity to NOT live off of student aid.

Friday afternoon I received an email from the tech who processes the substitute applications stating that I was eligible and I did get approved so RELIEF comes to me. Now the remaining details of that scenario I will leave up to God because I should have done that in the beginning.

As for the actual classroom stuff, all went well. I observed in all of the 4 classrooms. My schedule:
1: English 10 Accelerated
4: English 9 Accelerated
5: English 9 Accelerated
6: English 9 Accelerated

So I mostly observed in all the classes. I was introduced to the class for the English 9 students. Most just stared into oblivion.

I'm scared of speaking in front of a classroom. I am uncomfortable doing it even though I have done presentations of so many varieties in school, my old work, etc.

Why am I scared?

I need to not be that. I will not be that.


I took 6th period's work home for grading. I am also making a master spiral for both grade levels because they have a spiral check and I need to know what the heck it's supposed to look like.

And, yeah... it was easy.

The best part about it was that I did not answer one phone call all week!

PRAISE THE LORD!!

Tomorrow's the big day

I have sat here in silence for over an hour. The transition begins tomorrow. So many things I have to keep in mind of and what necessitates attention tomorrow will be completely different than anything I have been doing for the past twelve years. Seems as though it should not be a big deal, but the unknown makes it exactly that. Huge in some instances, I suppose.

I don't even know what to wear, what to expect, where to go. I am just sort of going and hoping that I do not forget that at 11:00 (or is it 11:30??!) I have to meet with my supervisor and master teachers. It should be fairly short and not a big deal. One thing that was mentioned in the orientation was that I was to dress professionally because student teaching is essentially a 6-month long job interview. I suppose I should not feel obligated to take those words into account being that I am a 5-year veteran of that campus and they have honestly seen me in very poorly chosen "work attire". It would be masquerading for people who already know 1: how lazy my attire gets, 2: my intolerance of questions regarding pretty much anything that contains a hair follicle's-worth of logic, 3: how kick ass it is to have me around for those pesky little tasks that no one else either can do or wants to bother to do. UGH. That still bothers me. One day I hope to cash that in. Maybe....

Either way, I still feel that, in the spirit of maintaining at least tiny bit of professionalism to my Student Teaching Supervisor (STS) who is also my former English teacher, I should dress like I do not like denim. But I do. I love denim. Except the holidays and several other factors are making me realize that holiday weight is so damn real. I had to do Cowles Mountain AND an hour of spin to validate eating all that I ate today, which was not much save for the slice of pie.... but enough about that. Smart dress pants and any professional-ish top that I can manage to keep buttoned it is. And after that, a long session of exercise.

Joy.

This is where the reality of what the heck I have been stressing out for, for about 2 years begins. I think I need another slice of apple pie.....

Tomorrow is IT!

I have my boxes packed, emptied out my files and have very little to do aside from saying so long to the World of the Secretary. I'm SO excited and scared at the same time.

It's been a long arduous process in which the background has been ORHS. From the month I began working at the high school, I have been a full-time college student. So, the transition comes with very strong ties to my job. That is the place that changed my opinion of teenagers. From complete annoyance to drive to help them succeed. Granted, I haven't always been a ray of sunshine in that office. Rather, more like a box of mad frogs. But it's that anxiety to do more that has kept me anxious to move on.

Tomorrow it may hit me with a little more strength. Today, though, it comes second to the peace within that I have found through determination and focus.

I don't want to leave with anything but the same type of energy used in folding your old, worn, comfortable college sweatshirt away for The Next Chapter. Closure comes with the acknowledgement that this is exactly where I should be, moving forward.

Thank GOD I made it to see the eve of that day.

It's unfortunate, in some ways, that I have created that distance between myself and the students. Where before I was willing to go that extra mile to make sure that the students knew that they had a confidant in the office, not anymore. It was so hard to see the last 3 years worth of graduates move forward. I was most connected with the class of 2008. They were my freshmen when I began working there so I saw them grow up from 9th to the cap and gown.

But at this time, this year, I am at peace with it all.

Tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow.

Written Monday, December 14, 2009

I received four pieces of advice today from one of the counselors for when
I become a teacher:

1. Inform parents if their student’s grades are slipping- whether it
is via email or phone, make sure you call them.

2. Use technology to provide parents access to their children’s
grades, and to you.

3. Make teaching lessons relevant to real life experiences.

4. Get my BCLAD

I have heard all of the above in my classes but all of which I feel are
important to create a type of accessibility to parents so they can feel
empowered. Why not? You are teaching their child, right? I don’t think
grades are something that they get slapped with every 6 weeks or so like
“what have YOU been doing about this?!” While I haven’t been there yet
and it can all *Seem* like it is as simple as that, I’m sure that it
requires more than a tiny bit of effort.

I’m used to so many things in my routine: typing, writing, talking on the
phone, etc. Now, they will be what is integrated into the other half of
the whole “teaching” thing. In many ways, I feel more organized than many
others. I feel like there is an advantage to having been someone else’s
helper all this time. Now, I’ll be my own helper. I’ve streamlined so
many things and work towards creating the smallest amount of repetitive
work as possible. If I can make something into an Excel spreadsheet that
I reuse over and over, year after year, why not use those same types of
methods for my paperwork stuff. I know lessons won’t be that easily
repeated.



I also know that there are many things beneficial to getting that BCLAD.
As difficult as it is to think of teaching a group of English learners
who virtually spend every class hour with one another, I think it would
also be to my advantage (actually, I KNOW it will be to my advantage) to
incorporate the certificate required to teach a population that is in
demand of educators. Supply and demand. Simple concept.



This is the Monday of my final week before I go on a 3-week vacation.
Thank you, Jesus!